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I have recently decided that we are superstars. I work full time as an ABA Consultant and am a full time student working toward my psych degree. I have the most amazing man in my life - Rob is every dream come true that I have had. He works hard, plays hard, and we are making our dreams come true one day at a time. We are the proud parents of 6 cats and 2 dogs. Ya. It is a circus but I love every minute of it!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Today, I am angry.

So yesterday my dad died. I was sad. I am sad. I cried and I still cry. I am comforted by the thought of all my friends and family out there that care so much and have called, written, texted, and facebooked me to let me know of their love. I am thankful for every single one of you.  I am angry about the one person who is absent. No, not my dad. A best friend I had for many many many years. A friend I comforted when her grandpa died, when her life seemed to fall apart, who I allowed to hold my infant child and have a moment alone with when I had so little time to spend with her. I am angry that she has chosen not to be a part of my life and is not here when I need her the most.  I am angry that I spent so much time and emotion on her and she chose to throw it away.  I am angry that she is not helping me. I am just plain angry.  This is not to say that I don't treasure any and all of the people in my life right now, but even though we have not spoken for 2 years it was still my reflex to call her first when I found out my dad was gone only to realize that she wouldn't answer my call. It is hard to break a habit of 12 years and makes me angry.  This is the song playing in my head over and over right now while I allow myself to feel angry and miss the loss of my father and my friend. I don't believe there is any coming back from missing this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLlCTPjs8uY

I know- I need to get over it and move on, I shouldn't be thinking about this when my dad just died, I should be focusing on the good memories about my dad, blah, blah, blah..... I will when I am ready. I am not going to stop my emotional train wherever it needs to run and right now, this minute, today, I am angry.